Am i dreaming?

People i have lots to catch up on. I really should have started this along time ago but back then i had lots to do, home work and catch up on sleep. The last thing i wanted to do was blog. Now school is done and i am bored and i think this is time well wasted. :)

Back to my dream that i can't seem to wake up from.

How could i be pregnant? i asked. My body is still the same, it doesn't look or feel different. I wasn't sick. I only had morning sickness for like 4 days. The only thing is i couldn't stay awake, i'd sleep on the bus, de train as i get to class i'd sleep some more. I'm a night bug and i couldn't stay up to save my life. Oh lets not forget about the frequent bathroom visits. Still i couldn't beleive that i have a baby inside of me.

I went through all kinds of emotions, lonely, frustrated, SCARED and more frustrated.
Lonely because we made the decision to keep it to ourselves untill we were out of the danger zone. Frustrated because besides the obvious sign of pregnancy, i didn't feel pregnant. Scared because i didn't want to have a miscarraige. More frustrated because i had just put on braces and i could barely eat food. I was feeding on boost, ensure, mashed potatoes and noodles.

One afternoon i got dressed to go to school, but for some reason i did not make it off the front porch. I sat on the steps with my head in my hand. A car pulled up and it was K. He was wondering why i wasn't in class and why i was sitting on the steps looking like one of the children from a UNICEF commercial. It was one of those days where i was frustrated and sad.

Someone directed me to Babycenter.ca, biggest mistake. It is only good for the weakly updates on where i am in my pregnancy and what my baby might look like. I think reading peoples experiences really contributed to my frustration. I remember when i was 10 weeks pregnant and these ladies were talking about feeling their babies kick at 10 weeks. Can you imagine what that can do to a girl and to make it worse i still haven't had my first appt. I started praying to god that my child was still alive.

Every little pain i felt in my pelvic region i'd get scared and pray that blood wouldn't follow. I later learned that the pain i was feeling was normal.

I kept loosing weight but i figured it was because of the braces. I could no longer eat chicken or brown rice. I started munching pickles. Before this i have never had pickles. I started craving fries with lots of ketchup. I hated ketchup before lol. I figured it was all about the salt, i indulged for a bit but then i cut it out.

I had to learn to eat all the time, i couldn't put it off like i used to. If i didn't eat as soon as i get hungry i'd get soo sick and start vomiting. Ginger ale and ginger beer became my drink of choice, it killed the little nausea i had.

The thing i hated the most started happening to me. I HATE, OBSOLUTELY HATE spitting. I was spitting all over the place and there is obsolutely nothing i could do to prevent it. ARGGGHHHH.

Although i hated the baby center i was still drawn to it. LOL the things we do to ourselves.