Labour & Delivery Class

Today i had my first "Labour and Delivery" class, also known as Lamaze class. I must tell you that i really wasn't feeling it. Not because i felt like i wouldn't learn anything new but at how much it costs ($90). I thought all these classes were included in the hospital registration cost. So you must know how pissed i was when the lady told me the one class cost that much money. Frig you'd think i'm some woman with no Canadian status at the amount of funds my broke ass had to fork up to these people. Sigh...anywho, last minute kwame paid for it cause i sure wasn't lol.

We went to the fist of 3 classes this evening and brought my pillow with me as i was told to do by the instructor.

*sidebar* Thank GOD Kwame was adament about going with me because i would have felt real out of place. I was the only black pepper among all the salts and brown sugars and it would have been even worse being the only woman there without a partner hmmmmmm.

The instructor was very funny and informative. Too much information if you asked me. The funniest part of the evening for me was when she decided to give a demonstration on various positions to give birth in. She got up on the table, layed flat on her back, legs wide open and started breathing hard and pushing...the funny part was she did this infront of a muslim couple and you should have seen the look on their faces, facking priceless hahahahaaaaaaaaa. She then squat infront of them, pushing and breathing haard, face all made up. Kwame was like but wah de ass? while i'm chuckling lol because i just couldn't keep my eyes off the couple. The lady didn't stop there either, she got on all 4's and wiggling her butt hahahahaaa, breathing, and pushing. I was like fadda God dis woman gone tru. Through all my chuckles and watching the couple i did get what she was trying to show us. The traditional missionary position is not conducive to quick and swift labour. Stooping/squating or being on all 4's are both great as gravity helps and being in those positions opens the pelvis even more and gives the baby more room to make her entrance.

People when you hear me say i'm cleaning or walking up and down please hush all yuh asses thank you very much because if i cock up everyday infront of my tv eating and getting fat i am PHUCKED, ROYALLY. Sitting down does not help, it makes pregnancy longer and delivery will also be longer. Walking and keeping active brings the baby down much faster and and it also prevents back labour. Back labour is when the hardest part of the baby's head is touching the hardest part of you pelvic bottom...Laawd i have to show allyuh visually. Explaining is hard. Bottom line is, get up off your asses and walk, cook, clean, do the things you normally do and life will be much easier in the birthing room. Another tip is to do at least 50 squats daily because it also help with opening up that pelvic region...it is alll about that pelvic and cerivix region ladies and gentlemen. Lol i will obey all these lil exercising rules because i want to be as open as possible for that big head and shoulders.

Next, she talked about Keigel exercises, i'm quiet sure all of us knows what it is and how it's done (if you don't know, listen to the million and 10 dancehall songs telling the girls to quint it quint it or google). That was a next priceless moment with the Muslim lady hahahaha. Oh gosh and this woman kept talkin about clit this and clit that, she did not give 2 shit about the cultural differences in that room AT ALLLLL. I was a bit mortified when she told us that we would lose control of our bladder because our vaginal sphincter would wear out after the 2nd and 3rd child. Hence why we have to practice Keigels because it strengthens the vaginal muscles.

Each couple took turns in giving each other massages and learned how to breathe when in labour. I guess the only way to get quality massage from Kwame has to be in a "controlled" environment lol or away from the tv. I told her my back hurts at nights and finding a comfy position to sleep is hard. She stuffed pillows under my leg, belly and behind me as if it was some new and great idea she just came up with lol. I already do all that, it nuh help especially if i have to keep doing it every 20 minutes because i have to keep going to the blasted bathroom.

All in all the class was nothing spectacular, i still think i could do without it. I mean i'll have a nurse/midwife by my side when the big day comes and she coaches me on the phone each time we talk. A waste of money if u ask me.

Stay tuned for next week. We get to visit the birthing center.